The 40 People I Can't Stand

Note: there is no order, they’re just coming to me at random. Some are ficticious but only because they really irk me. I will admit some of these are strange and unfounded, but that doesn’t change anything.

1. Britney Spears: I like her music, or at least I did when I was younger, but something about her personally bothers me. I can’t put my finger on what, but something does. I refer to her as the Princess of Purgatory, which for the sake of being linear brings me to…
2. Hilary Duff: Whom I call Spawn of Satan. Soon to take Britney’s place. But unlike Britney I can’t stand Duff’s music at all. It makes me want to puke. Either that or take a two-bit drill to my temple.
3. Hitler: Umm…duh.
4. Twiggy: I blame her for the whole anorexia crisis. I mean, before her people had a decent concept of body image—Marilyn Monroe—but now not so much.
5. Osama Bin Laden: Like Hitler I really don’t think this warrants an explanation.
6. Any President Who Has Interupted CSI For A Speech: this excludes speeches in crisis situatations but for the most part GAAAAHHHH!!!
7. James Earl Ray: how dare you.
8. Nero: smooth buddy. Burn Rome and play your freakin violin.
9. Ernesto Miranda: You’re an idiot. It really frosts my cookies to think that he got off for what he did because he didn’t know his rights. It’s his own fault. Our rights are available in every public library, and had the idiot ever attended school, he would have known them already because schools spell them out in black and white by making you learn them! I’ve gotten into some pretty intense debates over this in and out of classrooms. It’s never a good thing to bring up.
10. Jayne Fonda: Her treatment of troops during Vietnam was, and still is in my opinion, inexcusable. Well that and the work out videos.
11. Prissy: The slave girl from Gone With The Wind. The only thing that irked me was her voice. Sweet Jesus her voice grated on me. I seriously stuffed my head under a pillow to get away from that voice.
12. My ex-Girl Scout Leader: Anybody I actually know I’m not going to write their names down on the off chance they might read this. It’s slim, but still. I quit Girl Scouts in the sixth grade, because she wouldn’t let us dance and she wanted to have tea parties, and I thought I was far to mature for that.
13. Ricky Martin: No I will not shake my bon-bon stop asking!
14. Agamemnon: Dude, you sacrificed your daughter for wind.
15. Robin Leech: Appropriately named. Champagne wishes and caviar dreams. Right. His voice drove me nuts too.
16. My eighth grade math teacher: He yelled. A lot. I didn’t understand anything that man said civilly, and I’ve had problems with math ever since.
17. Tom Sawyer: Kid drove me nuts; I just wanted to shake him.
18. Ryan Seacrest: I have so many issues with this guy simply because he looks like Ken doll.
19. Edgar Allen Poe: This is going to sound strange but I don’t have any problem whatsoever with him. I’ve come to loathe him because in eighth grade we had to memorize The Raven and analyze some of his other works into the ground. I’m bitter about that, oh so bitter. So it’s not Poe’s fault. It’s really said English teacher’s fault, but Poe’s taking the fall for it. Sorry
20. Sisqo: Two words—Thong Song. What were you thinking?!?
21. Lord Capulet: Child abuse and forced marriage.
22. Flower: I have got some SERIOUS issues with the skunk from Bambi. I could go on for another thousand words about my problems with this thing, but I’ll spare you. Ack.
23. The Rabbit: Take the Trix and be gone!
24. Tom Cruise: I only like this man for however long it takes me to watch Top Gun, after that I don’t give a rip.
25. Michael Jackson after Thriller: He went down hill after Thriller. I know he’s got a lot of die-hard fans and that’s great but I just can’t support him. Too much plastic surgery, obnoxious voice, and the disturbing accusations.
26. Joan Rivers: My reasons are very similar to the above except she didn’t do the whole child molestation thing.
27. Severus Snape: You killed Dumbledore! You killed Dumbledore!
28. Thoreau: I liked Civil Disobedience and agreed with what he said. But he lost me during Walden when he attacked material possessions—specifically clothes. I’m very materialistic, and I understand why this is bad, but come on!
29. Movie Critics: They always seem to pick on my favorite films. That makes them bad bad people.
30. Whoever created unreal numbers: did you have to make my life more complicated?
31. Gwyneth Paltrow: simpering wench.
32. Donald Duck: I don’t even know why.
33. The Pioneers: I’ve got school spirit.
34. Kafka: Metamorphosis
35. Rabbit: you know, from Winnie the Pooh? Yeah something crawled up his butt and died cause he was way too cranky 24/7.
36. John Smith: Right, like the Disney movie really worked out that way. Argh. I know how it ended for the Indians.
37. Roger Chillingworth: Scary man. Obsess much? And followed closely by…
38. Pearl: Child is creepy. I hope to never have a child like this! I know Hawthorne was supposed to have tried to paint her in a positive light but she sounds like a demon.
39. Scarlet O’Hara: She was stupid. Shame on womanhood, shame! Nice accent though.
40. Gene: From A Separate Peace; what a jerk. Poor Phineas.

Okay, I’m done for now; it’s getting late. Maybe later I’ll round this off to one hundred. I’m sure I’ll think of some as soon as I get off the computer, Murphy’s Law…

41. Murphy: sadistic bastard.