If wishes were horses, how far would I ride?

I wish I were whole. I wish things weren’t so melodramatic. I wish my knees were better. I wish nations didn’t try to destroy nations. I wish supernatural was natural. I wish people were 100% honest with me. I wish I were 100% honest with everyone else. I wish choices were easy. I wish for no regrets. I wish I would get published. I wish people didn’t starve. I wish my heart felt weightless. I wish people didn’t die needlessly every day. I wish my future were secure. I wish I could travel more. I wish I wasn’t afraid of so much. I wish for happiness. I wish I had a special someone. I wish that I could meet everyone’s expectations. I wish I could do what I love without hurting myself. I wish I were free. I wish he would go away. I wish I had religious convictions. I wish for sunny days. I wish for warm breezes. I wish for hope. I wish for roses. I wish for simplicity. I wish for good chocolate. I wish for magic. I wish for health. I wish for an inhibition-less existence. I wish for good grades. I wish for smiles. I wish for popularity. I wish my dog wouldn’t die. I wish I were strong enough to cry at the right moment, and to hold back at the wrong moment. I wish I could fix some things. I wish for wealth. I wish for an answer. I wish for music. I wish for laughter. I wish to be profound. I wish to be understood. I wish to fly through time. I wish good things for my mom. I wish for full moons. I wish for stars. I wish for green grass. I wish for pretty horses. I wish for blue skies. I wish for the right words. I wish for tranquility. I wish I were carefree. I wish for time. I wish for pleasant dreams. I wish for beauty. I wish for universal understanding. I wish for a castle. I wish I could forgive him. I wish I weren’t consumed by hate. I wish I always did the right thing. I wish I didn’t hurt anyone. I wish I would ride again. I wish for romance. I wish for rainbows. I wish for a tattoo. I wish for bravery. I wish for pretty shoes. I wish good always triumphed over evil. I wish there were no overdoses or suicides; I wish people happiness. I wish I were without greed. I wish I were without jealousy. I wish I were without hubris. I wish I had no addictions. I wish for more stories. I wish for sleep. I wish Murphy wasn’t right. I wish for an infinite number of wishes.

What Grade Do I Deserve in life?

So I have finally received my first writing assignment of the year in my Pegasus 12 class. The assignment is to write a letter (or at least that was what I chose to do) to someone on September 5th of next year about our life after high school. The whole point of this assignment is to establish what we picture for ourselves—our goals, problems, successes, etc. Also the assignment is supposed to be fun. No ma’am. No it is not.

This assignment cannot be fun. The nature of an assignment is to be graded. So if a + b = c, then I am going to be graded on what I would consider my life (or future life). To me this sounds incredibly scary. What if I get a bad grade on my life? I mean, I’m supposed to hand in this paper and let a third party judge my goals, my hopes, and my dreams. To be real I would say that is what a person is judged on to a certain degree, but getting a grade for a number of points is different. In my mind it has the potential to be extremely painful.

Where I picture myself in a year is a small town in Ohio called Ada. Ada, Ohio, is home to the small school of Ohio Northern University. I know in my heart that this is the school that I belong in. The program is excellent, the students are friendly, and class sizes are relatively small, which is what I really want. My goal in life is to write. Poetry, stories, memoirs—it doesn’t matter I just want to do it. So my major would be creative writing. Later I plan on getting a masters in English literature; maybe even a teaching certificate. What would be really nice is if I were able to teach at the college level, which would give me time to write.

Even while I know ONU is the best place for me there are a lot of roadblocks for me personally. I love my family and friends. They’ve always been close to me, and as such, a big part in my life. Ohio is a eight hour drive in one direction, which is manageable, but that also means I probably wouldn’t be able to do it too often. That is one of my biggest resignations about going to school in Ohio.

Another one is Ada’s isolation. The campus is smack dab in the middle of cornfields. For a city girl like me that’s a little odd. Not insurmountable, but odd. Also the nearest town is twenty minutes away, and there isn’t much to do there either. Wal-Mart is one of the few highlights. Call me spoiled but I like to shop; I like to have entertainment at my fingertips; I like the ability to go out and see the latest movie at random. All this is limited in Ada. Not impossible, but limited.

The other big bad is the dorm sizes. Small as a broom cupboard! Supposedly two to four people are supposed to fit into rooms that are half the size of my small room at home. Yes, the dorm is part of the college experience, but I need my space. I’m not just saying this. I really would go off on anyone who lived with me. I’m the type of person who needs their alone time or else.

Despite all this I really want to go to ONU. My theme for my senior year is no regrets. College is the main reason for that little motto. I don’t want to make the wrong decision and regret what I did or didn’t do for the rest of my life. I have all these goals, fears, and hopes that I packed into this tiny three-page paper, and I’m terrified of them being rejected.

This paper represents more than just a grade to me. This is my life that someone else is grading, and that truly scares me. Is everything I wrote going to come true? No, of course not! But it’s what I wish for when I go to sleep at night, what I dream of when I’m sleeping, and what keeps me going when I’m awake. And I just don’t want someone to give me a grade on that.

Found Poem

Shaken Paradise

Playing doctor-
Hired to dance without permission
At an even smarter price
(A parent’s worst nightmare).
The hottest new jewel in the fashion world—
fifteen months later—
has become mainstream;
down on their luck on Skid Row
Denied
Denied

It’s all in the chase.

My Movie List

So I read this amazing book called The Best Old Movies for Families by Ty Burr the movie critic. As further proof that Mr. Leftridge and his Film App. class have totally infiltrated my life. Granted I probably missed out on some great films by completely skipping over certain sections of the book, but some things I just can't stomach. Anything with the words John Wayne, foreign film, or silent caused me to turn the page. The only exception being "Metropolis", because I have some strange desire to see that one in its entirety. As much as I liked "The 400 Blows" in film class I have no deep burning desire to read a film; like Opera, foreign films are assuredly great, just not to my taste. As far as John Wayne goes I can't stomach him. After watching "The Searchers" and analyzing the it I just can't deal with him anymore. Rampant racism and freaky psuedo-sexual issues. But I digress. As I was reading this book I wrote a list of old movies that intruiged me and I officially have to see them! Here they are...

• The Adventure of Robin Hood
• Captain Blood
• The Sea Hawk
• Bringing Up Baby
• The Harvey Girls
• The Pirate
• The Clock
• The Ghost and Mrs. Muir
• Some Like It Hot
• Gentelmen Prefer Blondes
• Metropolis
• Rebel Without a Cause
• East of Eden
• Giant
• His Girl Friday
• I was a Male War Bride
• Monkey Business
• It Happened One Night
• The Lady Eve
• Easy Living
• Ball of Fire
• My Man Godfrey
• To Be or Not to Be
• Adam's Rib
• The Philadelphia Story
• Pillow Talk
• Lover Come Back
• Teacher's Pet
• That Touch of Mink
• The Man Who Knew Too Much
• Love Me or Leave Me
• The Shop Around the Corner
• Trouble in Paradise
• The Manchurian Candidate
• The Wild One
• Queen Christina
• The Roman Holiday
• Splendor in the Grass
• Ten Commandments
• Imitation of Life
• Easter Parade
• Kiss Me Kate
• It's Always Fair Weather
• Funny Face
• Top Hat
• The Music Man
• The Crimson Pirate
• The Black Swan
• Treasure Island
• Destry Rides Again
• The Thin Man (and series)
• Gilda
• The Asphalt Jungle
• The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex
• Charade

Hopefully I can get ahold of most of these, and my goal is to write reviews or at least brief opinions as I find them. The only trouble is my Netflix que just gets larger and larger and I may have to wait awhile before I can check everything off my list. But at least it will be a fun task.

Catastrophe

Harley is a beauty. No, I’m not talking about a motorcycle (although I do have this life goal of riding a motorcycle before I die, just not sequentially); I’m talking about my cat, Harlequin, or Harley for short. She is of the tortoiseshell breed, which means she’s black, crème, and light brown. Like I said, she’s beautiful. Damn cat knows it too! So when I cooed at her and told her she was gorgeous I thought I was just stroking her ego. Apparently I was wrong.

Harley was just so happy with my praise that she sauntered off the bed. At the time I didn’t really notice that I had been left. I was far too busy watching a “Project Runway Season Three” marathon on Bravo. When commercial break came I started to get up in search of a soda when Harley jumped back on the bed, a mouse dangling from her mouth. Harley often likes to distribute such presents when we have pleased her greatly.

There was my cat, pale green eyes glowing with pride; a cobweb sweeping from the tips of her whiskers like an elegant scarf. But what caught my attention was the pale brown mouse between Harley’s sparkling teeth. My middle name is Elizabeth, not Grace, so needless to say I freaked out. In true housewife fashion I screamed, “Oh my God!” over and over again in my highest pitch in the hopes that the messiah himself would come down and handle my plight. No such luck.

Instead, Harley dropped the mouse in fright of my frantic screaming. It moved. Moved is not so much an accurate description—it scrambled. I THOUGHT IT WAS DEAD!!!!!!! On one hand I happy for Stuart Little’s distant relation, on the other I am now in the middle of a literal cat and mouse chase. I tucked my knees under my chin and screamed louder because, you know, that really helps. Meanwhile The Mouse is rushing across the duvet cover trying to find a way off the bed. Harley, no longer in shock over my rejection, pounced on it (she’s de-clawed, so it helps the mouse’s odds a little). She sprang back and The Mouse went racing again. This time the little guy found the end of the bed. Faced with the decision of Harley’s jaws and what to the mouse must have looked like a huge leap, the mouse jumped, spread-eagled, on to the laundry pile. Not having seen the landing myself, I still would have given the little guy a nine on diving form alone.

At this point the soundtrack that had been on loop (my cries of “Oh my God! Oh my God!) finished with a shriek that faded much like an ambulance siren. Harley, having lost her quarry and temporarily my affection, sent a severely pissed off glare my way and stormed out of the room in a huff. I convinced myself that I had to see about The Mouse. Shaking slightly, I crawled to the end of the bed. The Mouse had disappeared. The entire event took about two minutes to occur, as well as taking twenty years off my life.

I am grateful for two things here. One that the little fella may have survived—Harley may be beautiful but I prefer not to think of her as a femme fatal. And two that it was not my bedroom that The Mouse escaped into. This has to be one of the only moments where I have been glad that my room does not have a TV like my mom’s. That’s right folks a mouse is now loose in my mother’s room. I can’t wait to tell her that little tidbit. For now, I’m just tiptoeing through the house and staying the hell away from Mom’s room. You know, I’m trying to give the little guy space.